Granny Update

Well, I've been back from visiting granny for ten days. I can't get back to see her until at least 4 more days and I'm afraid it'll be too late by then.

I left the island in a bit of shock. But more about that later, mabey.

The first night I got there, found granny sitting up and alert.
She brushed all my hair out, one last time, I felt like she was waiting all day just for that. Gran began falling to sleep, rousing now and then in response to repetitive cycles of commercials for the new Law and Order spin off. She really wanted to see the new Trial by Jury. And she did! I felt like she was waiting all day just for that.

Anyway, I got to sleep with Granny, a long time tradition whenever family gets together and we run out of beds. Everyone older than me (which was everyone)already knew when to run and I would get to ride shotgun. If you've ever slept with my Granny, you might know what I mean by shotgun. Needless to say, the house no longer shakes when she sleeps, seems she's beyond snoring. For the first time in over two weeks, I finally got some sleep. I felt like I was waiting all day just for that.

4:00 am Granny wakes up, she's dying, and she knows it, and her grandbaby's in bed beside her. In her most calm voice she sez to me, "Rinah, go wake your mother."
I heard the certainty in her voice, saw the resignation on her back. She didn't have to say another word.

I rode in the ambulance to the emergency room, when we arrived at the emergency entrance, the paramedic driving asked me if I'd like to press a button, I think I bounced in my seat, she smiled and said, "Go ahead hit that one, there!" and pointed.
BooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooP!
Surprisingly satisfying, but not real siren like.
Note to self~ strike off to do list...

In emergency, I waited beside her, holding hands during the pain. 5 hours of it. I held her hand less for comfort and more to keep her from clenching the guard rails and doing real damage to her tender, butterflied hand. I kept smoothing out her forehead, telling her whatever I could think of. Reminding her of the morphine we gave her at home, some should be kicking in, sometime. Inside voice prays, while I tell Granny whatever I could think of...I kept wishing I had her sisters wit, just something anything that could make her laugh, or have her mind wander, but I was too stuck. Stuck in the moment. Silently staring at every inch of her, drinking her in, pore by pore, wrinkle by wrinkle. I began to watch her famous wrinkles fade to light coloured lines criss crossing her forehead. Ha! I was actually looking at landscape where the sun hasn't shined, in a long long time.

come to think of it it didn't feel like hours at all. I kept checking with her whenever it wasn't obvious, if she was feeling pain. I kept doing that, and flagging down passing smocks asking for something, anything; she really liked that heroine stuff? what a scene. "it's been ordered", "its coming down", "I'll get a patch of fendrtoiyeigf yaba yaba in the meantime."

Pills from home accounted for, patch of fendrtoiyeigf yaba yaba administered, I could see she was visibly relaxing. Still she'd have terrible flare ups, immense amounts of pain that kind of jumped up, past where her pain medication could reach. Or so it seemed. And that's when she'd make her hands into claws and grimace fitting the honorary "Dragon Lady" title she wore like jewels. Ripping at my heart.

Finally I asked her, and she gave me that sweet little smile, "no. no pain." her growl barely a whisper. I checked the time, it was 9:30 am, she decided to live another day, and the second string had already arrived.

I sat
drank coffee
and smoked my f**king brains out, oh, yes, yes, yes, I did.

My posse and I, us trio of bad girls, left to get some well deserved sleep.
Once home, still wired, I grabbed some of Glow's sour dough, some cheddar and juicy pears, sliced and grilled the bread, ummm real butter put it on a plate sat down to eat and smoke some more.

After locating and hanging the curtains for Glow's room, mom was already in the spare getting changed, I grabbed a science fiction novel by Larry Niven and? Prenell? I'll have to check it out, anyhoo Lucifer's Hammer, an apocolypse scenerio involving big huge primordiol comet. and headed to the couch.

Read till my eyes drooped, turned over pushed my face hard into the back of the couch for dark cool comfort, fell to floating.

Knock Knock.

Sat with some well wishers, "Yes, yes I'm back, no no she's sleeping, howd'deedu, holy cow are you serious, well you know grief, talking to someone trained in these situations might be a good thing, okay thanks for stopping by, uh huh, come back before Wed. you can meet her then! Okay bye bye."

Eyes already droopy, where was I oh yes grumph umph umph, snuggle snuggle.

Pitter pat of little feet snap me awake.

Get changed, pull a brush through my hair, cross my teeth, wash my face , cover the eye bags unsuccesfully, throw on some lipstick, all's good, into car, another smoke, ahhh.

We see the others loading up the car, Chipper Glow "Hi there! Uh do you need help? Uh Hello? visit finished for the day? Hello... Oh forget it just park the damn car."

By the time we had gotten out of our car, they were gone.

More on the 20 hour vigil later, I've got other irons to burn.