April 2, 2005

Is the day my Granny died. She died peacefully in her sleep at 5:15 am.

I dreamt her passage. She was dancing, dancing in big wide arcs, her Friend J**** was there too. She was flowing golden and pink light. We talked for a bit and when I woke up I felt a weight had been lifted, for one second.

Then I remembered, it was just a dream.
The weight settled back in, the tears snuck behind my eyes, sliding inside, down my throat.

I continued remembering the dream, Granny, was wrinkle free. The only way I recognised her, was that she looked so much like me. Her hair was thick and dark and cut short around her face, in a style I've never worn, she tossed her face westwards, into the melty sunlight and that is when I knew it was her, by her wide grin. Oh she was so happy!

There was a tall woman with her. She was very tall and straight, dressed in the height of seventies fashion (go figure) her hair was short, dark and slightly feathered out at the sides in a Farah kind of way that was so hip back in the day. I also noticed she was wearing make up. I thought it was odd, make-up in heaven? Then I remembered that in heaven, we appear as we want to appear, as we feel we are deep inside. I figured this was a loved one of Granny's who either passed in the seventies, or was closest to granny during the seventies. She was very beautiful.

I got up, bleary eyed stumbled into the living room. The clock read digital 5:15. I was looking for something, something, oh yeah. I was hunting for a cigarette, one I knew I wasn't going to find. I sat down in the middle of the living room. Just sat. The phone rang, I ignored it, I knew who it was, I knew what it was. I'd talk to her later.