I, Will

Narayan MKV blogger in India Writes: "Samuel Butler on the nature of human mind and behavior, “Every man's work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.”"

On that note: Here's my newest poem, Resistance (click to read)

I supose what I mean is;
Here I am.
This is me.
In your face.
Take it or leave it.
I have things to do, things to say.
That's just the way it is.
Get out of my way.

This is not some message to some imagined reader or audience.
This is a message to Me.

I woke up this morning like I have most mornings lately, at the edge of something BIG.
As I linger at the borderland, I experience something akin to looking at a map.

Not the kind of map you actually unfold and consult for navigation purposes, but the concept is the same.

Its a bit like a game of connecting the dots, distant past moments connected to recent past moments connected to present moments to possible future moments.

Today I woke thinking about resistance and what this particularily bothersome trait has done for me.

At times it has been extremely alientating, conflictive and painful.
At others it has allowed me to persevere by providing me strength. It has allowed me to advocate for others through gesture and opinion. It has even preserved my life, and probably even my liberty.

When I look around in my life, I find the things I wish I had done differently all maintain a point in time where I did NOT find the balance in resistance but went too far one way (passive) or the other (rigid).

Today, I decided to embrace this core expression of my self as a barometer for making choices or excersizing my will.

If I am resistant to things that don't suit me, let it be.
If I embrace those that do suit me, so be it.

After all, I AM responsible for my own happiness and my own life. I MUST put down the things that make me miserable, I MUST pick up the things that I find joyful. It's the only thing I can do for myself, my true self.
There is no shame in being true to myself, even if no one else can see or understand my vision.

Being True to myself, is the only real path to justice I have been able to find. I nearly went mad with the desire for it, Justice that is. I turned over every rock, followed every lead, went into the darkest places of my memory to find it and failed, in a way I also kind of won. I did learn something very valuable, I learned what Justice is. The restoration to an original state from a fallen state. And what Justice is not. It is not revenge, it is not eye for an eye, it is not even public flogging but wouldn't that be fun?

I accepted the scariest thing ever, the prospect that there is no Prince Charming, there is no Faery Godmother, there is no guiding principle that can bring me Justice, there is only me.
Attaining Justice is a journey of the self, to the self, the restoration the self.

I have faith that when we DO do it for ourselves, untold benefits manifest for everyone, not least of which for our own selves.