Morning Inspiration

After I got off the phone with my mom. I got up to make myself a cup of tea. I was a bit rattled by the conversation. I wasn't exactly surprised by what she told me, or what I had the chance to tell her, but I was still a bit shaken by the rawness of the conversation. The confrontation of reality, the brutality of, the liberation of speaking long hidden truth.

Feeling like a naughty child I spoke out loud to granny and said, "I still love you Granny."

All of a sudden, the voice of my other grandmother tumbled into my head. I was surprised, even taken aback with a bit of embarrassment, since I had not addressed her. It was like we were connected by telephone, and I dialled the wrong grandmother's number. Only there was no telephone, and both my grandmothers are dead.

" Oh hello? Hello! Oh Darling darling I love you!" Was what she said.
I responded back. Alone in my kitchen I didn't feel at all self conscious.
I told her I loved her too, it was wonderful to hear her voice! She receded, then I knew, I was alone again. I felt like I had been hugged and kissed between each of her loving words.

After my tea, Ge and I were talking about how best to spend our leisurely day off. Hmmm where should we have breakfast? What about the book? Should we drive?

Putting away my tea cup I had an idea. I said, "Babe, after breakfast let's walk home, get in Hawk and drive to the bookstore then after that, lets drive to the art store, lets do it fast, I'm inspired.

So that's what we did.

I came home. Read some, then pulled out my brand new canvases. I hadn't begun or completed a painting since granny got sick earlier this year.

Then I pulled out my markers. My inspired idea!

The markers are wonderful instruments. I love the illustration's I've created with them. I realized, they are basically ink, they'd flow nicely on canvas, they are more portable and easier to clean up after than my acrylics.

As I began my experiment of canvas and ink, I thought about my grandma again, the one who calls me darling. She was an artist. She studied at Berkley. Her professor kept her work when she quit to get married and raise a family. He felt she had the talent to become historic. Despite this, Grandma felt she couldn't be passionate about both art and family. So she chose, by all accounts was very happy to do so. She loved being a mother and her kids including me, adored her back.

She was a painter, and her medium of choice was pastels. I wondered what it was about pastels she liked. I found them too messy, but I enjoyed their blending properties. My markers have a similarly satisfying blending capacity.

I felt completely connected to my grandmother in that moment. Of having a beautific experience once again, of myself blending with hers.

The last time I felt like that was the day after she died, and I miscarried. She along with my father and I do believe granny, carried me that day.

I went on to churn out about six paintings. One of which isn't complete, another sort of fun practise piece I called Siren's Starry Night, featuring stranded starfish in the surf against a night sky. (not posted)


Summer Bloom
Sunset
Sun Shower Series
1 Let The Sun Shine In
2 The Waltz


I had been asked to consider contributing some of my work for a collaborative show with two other women. I had been unsure whether or not I could produce anything worthwhile. But now, I think I might be able to come up with something.