24 hours

I am exhausted. Wiped out. It's probably a good thing because my all I can feel is how tired I am. For the time being, that is a blessing.

So I've had a really hard 24 hours.

Briefly,

Last night while talking to my mom on the phone, her 8 week old puppy went into convulsions. Puppy, Mums pup, my Mom and I all began screaming at once. It was horrible. I couldn't hang up, I had to hang up. I had to call an ambulence, wait where am I, oh my god my mom is screaming in the back ground my baby my baby don't die oh my god she's dying. I'm yelling into the phone No No she's not, mom mom breathe oh my god. I began running out the door, like what was I thinking I could run the three thousand miles between us and save her puppy for her? It was aweful.

Puppy got into mom's pills. She overdosed. Mom rushed her to the after hours animal hospital. Last I heard, she was still seizing, but they began the anti poisoning regime for the pills she ingested. Mom was to pick her up this morning and take her to her private vet. I havn't heard anything yet.

I couldn't sleep. I was up till four am. I was surfing, and remembered I had intended on doing a google search for my sister. A couple nights ago, when I could sleep I had a dream I couldn't really remember. It was dark, there was a child crouching, was it me? I couldn't tell. I heard one word ringing in my ears when I woke. It was the name of a small eastern town I forgot even existed. It's the last place I last knew my sister to live near. So I searched the news for the town to see what would come up. A nightmare came up. A news article about the arraignment of a couple from the area accused in sex offences including confinment, against three boys.

This morning I called the OPP. I couldn't help it. I had to know. This is what I found out. My sister is not involved in this case. Pheww. My sister IS alive! My sister is in the area I thought she was, but I don't know exactly where. My sister is known to the police. My sister, is safe and so are her kids.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. Relief.

Also. the officer who called me back told me if I could convince my sister to talk, we could get an investigation going! She also tried to get me to go back to WAVAW for victims services. I told her I keep trying but I get so scared and embarrased. I don't want to waste their time, and I always end up not going in because of my fear of these places. (the person who took me from my mom, befriended her at a crisis center) She asked me if I told them that I said I did. SHe told me that it isn't an irrational fear, it makes perfect sence. She encouraged me by telling me these women running the center understand exactly what I'm going through. Maybe tomorrow.

Thank goodness their are so many female police officers.

So, bolstered by my successful sleuthing I contacted the police force that took my mother's 911 call from the day I was intercepted by a man the police described as a serial killer.
I wanted to know if they could tell me anything about his identity, if he was caught where he was incarcerated if he were alive, dead, or still loose.
I spoke to the archivist. She told me because there was no charge laid in that incident, The records would have been destroyed 8 years after the incident any way, if the review board didn't think the info would lead to an arrest.

She also said that if this man had been caught, the police would have come looking for me as a witness. I told her they wouldn't have found me. I was living under a new name, in a new town, with a new family.

This was a real let down. I found myself sobbing afterwards.

But now something's come loose in my bean. I've often wondered if there wasn't some other reason my abuser gave our tv away (for no cash!!! that's what stands out in my mind) other than it was bad for our minds. I've wondered in the past if there wasn't some kind of news coverage she didn't want us to see. I was in grade 3 or 4 at the time. If I can remember how old I was, then I can figure out the year, then I can check media coverage in that area for the time. I bet that was when he was caught! Then the second news article I found late last night takes on a big death knoll on that hope. The Library holding the area's newspaper archives went up in flames yesterday. 55 years of newspapers, gone.

My head hurts man, my back hurts. I've got to go relax.