After the Storm

I just finished a four day suicide watch for my mother from three thousand mile's away.

It has been a long time since I've had to watch her so closely. Only this time I live so far away it was seriously frightening. Well it always is when your mother says her life doesn't matter, nothing matters please just let me go.

I called her every few hours, if she wouldn't answer the phone I'd call the police so she made sure to always answer for me, even though she could barely form words. The few words she could form were so quiet, it was like she didn't have the energy to breathe.

I told my husband that this was another one of those echo's I've been writting about, that this is just history repeating, and because we've gotten through it before, I was confident we would pull her through again. And I kept telling myself that over and over until it came true.

My mother has lost everything, and almost everyone. She's lost nearly everyone she has ever loved over the last two years either through death or estrangement, as in the case of her sister and extended family.

She was swindled out of her meager inheritance, which wasn't an inheritance at all but the balance of a loan she gave her mother to buy a house. Because Granny didn't update her will proberly, the will was contested. The small amount of property in Granny's estate has been squandered by relatives on the lawyers.

Then she faced losing her own home.
Then she broke up with her boyfriend for not keeping his promises, and that was the last straw.

My mother had one loaf of bread in the house, has dropped down to 116 lbs, can't afford her anti depressant medicine anymore so began skipping pills. I think that had the biggest impact on her suicidal behaviours.

Every time I tried to eat, all I could think about was how my mother isn't eating.
I nearly cried in my meatloaf at our local diner, had to get it wrapped up to go.

She has three months before she loses her house. She can't afford her lot or maintenance fee's and if she doesn't pay the balance over the next three months, poof her nest egg is gone.

She was saying she'll have to move into her car, give up her dog's. She kept asking god to take her home now.

During my sleepless nights, I lit candles, I prayed, I meditated, I sent her healing energy, I sang her our song (You are my sunshine) I asked Granny to go to her daughter and fix what she has done to her. Ahhhh the last resort of the desperate...folk magic.

I prepared a satchel with rose petals and incence, some of granny's amethysts, a slip of paper with each our names written on it with hearts x's and oh's. And some secret ingredients I keep on hand, and slipped it under my pillow. The idea was to strengthen the bonds between mother and daughter and grandaughter. Even in death, a daughter needs her mother.

I do these little things for self comfort more than anything else. It's like it gives me something to do, when I can't do anything else.

When I got up the next day, I sent her what I had in the bank by Western Union. As my husband said we can't afford to give her this money, but she can't afford to not have it more than us.

I called her to tell her to pick up her money, and found her spirits completely turned around.
An angel knocked on her door. He was there when I called. She couldn't talk at the time but I knew, I just knew everything was okay, and it had to do with the man sitting in her living room.

I told her I'd call her back when she could talk.

I can't even believe what this stranger did for my mother. He's saved her, her house and gave her a way out so she can come live with me out west.

Three months, three months and I'll have my arms around my mother.

I can't wait.