Personal Truth

11/16/2004 07:52:02 PM

Dr. Phil believes that everyone has a personal truth that they live up to.

Over the past little while, I've been observing my sub conscious desires, wants and fears.
As a result, I have come across my own personal truth, as spoken of by Dr. Phil.

I did not know what it was I was doing, what I found, or how to process it until today.
Without emotion, without horror or heartbreak, I was able to clearly, for one moment, put it all together. And retain it.

Thought, knowledge, and the understanding came, all at once.

My personal truth was so horrific, so unbearable so very bad, that I had to hide it, even from myself. I had to hide it until I understood it, its false-hoods.
Otherwise, letting my mind rest on it, the truth, for one split second, could cost me everything.

My personal truth was that I was a mistake. A MISS TAKE.
My Life, my existence, my use of oxygen, all borrowed, no, not borrowed;
TAKEn.

I almost jumped up right there and then and called the man. I wanted to beg him to help me not live another day of this truth, to help me change that truth.

So, I can stop manifesting this fear-full-ness, this deep, dark, mystery-us thing in my life.

So, I can consciously stand up and say STOP.
Down another road we go!

So, I can find the strength and direction to face my destiny.

That's when I realized, I've already changed that truth simply be being able to observe it.
Being observed, the so-called truth, is now changed, rendered less powerful, less resolute.

I finally recognized the feeling that has "dogged" me my whole life, I recognized it, I named it I followed it back toward its genesis:

I was somehow wrong in the world,
I didn't belong here.
Worse, I had trespassed by "being" here.
By dis-placing other, more deserving members of the human race.
I was an abomination, evil, not natural, soulless, a thing.
I should be pursued and tormented and scorched from the face of the earth.
I was despised.

Continued Excavation...