Green with envy

I like this joke, I picked it up when working at a local, (now defunct) Italian Asian fusion restaurant many years ago.

It takes place in France.

There’s this great big costume ball, a once a year real blue blood type of event.

In order to preserve the integrity of the high falootin party, there are doormen stationed out front to prevent lame-o costumes or worse, un-costumed party goers in.

They see the regular fare, Little Bo Peep, A one eyed Pirate, a various assortment of Grim Reapers, and Hang Men and so on.

Presently a man in a suit shows up.

The bouncers ask him what ‘ees supposed to be?…

“Off of work”, says the man.

The bouncers look at each other and shake their heads

“No, that’s lame get out of ‘ere, come back when you’ve got a better costume!”

So the man leaves, goes to the parking lot, opens his trunk looks in and finds nothing at all, but a can pf paint.

“All right”, he says. He strips down to the buff and pours the can of red paint all over himself until he’s dripping red.

He returns to the mansion and faces the doormen.

They can’t believe their eyes, they’ve never seen anything like this, slightly worried, they ask the man, “And what ‘ees zis? What are you supposed to be?”

“I am the human emotion!
I am red with rage!”

“Bravo Messieur! The door men shout That ees so original, go on in.” And they waived him inside.

Two other men were watching all this in the shadows, they’d been considering how to get into this chi-chi party since they too had been turned away from the door. One for wearing a lame ninja costume made from black underwear and nylons and the other for wearing a blue dress with a stain on it insisting on being called Lewinski.

They too return to the parking lot, the first guy goes to his car, pops the trunk and finds nothing but a can of green paint in his trunk. “Okay dokey,” he says and strips down to his birthday suit. He pours the green paint all over himself, smears it on real good.

He approaches the doormen, who raise an eyebrow, as this costume looks a bit familiar.

“So what are you?” They ask.

The man puffs up his chest and says,

“I am zee human emotion

I am green with envy!”

The bouncers laugh, discuss it among themselves, and decide okay, you can go in, and waive him inside.

Finally the third guy’s standing in front of his car peering into his trunk. All he can find is a pear, and a penknife.

“Okay,” he says, takes the pear, whittles a hole through it with the knife, and sticks it on his penis.

He saunters back to the party.

“What zee Ell is dat?” The alarmed doormen ask pointing at the unidentified man’s peter.

“Oh zis?” The man says pointing downwards.

“zis represents ze human emotion

I am Fucking dis-pear!

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