Hellloooo Dear Diary!

Had a brain fart that lasted almost two years. Couldn't remember how to open up this blog, couldn't remember my email, couldn't remember my passwords. Been passionately blogging over at wordpress under the name of Hazel, Hazel8500. I took my therapists advice to heart and began delving into my innate sense of advocacy. Spurred on by my great indignation over Canada's Shame... Missing women. Droves of them, I've become quite um, infamous. Sadly there is a new phenomena being documented by myself and thankfully others. Missing Men. My sense tells me these two phenomenon's are related. But all that's contained over there. This place is for dreaming.

I've written in this blog before about being stalked online. Surprise surprise wouldn't you know it? Shouldn't I have known it? My stalker's are a group of former friends, family and associates. I was born in the gutter and well it seems some scum have refused to shake off. Now, I know this isn't new. They've taken their activities off street level and transferred their activities online. Seem's I wrapped myself up so tightly with smoke after my identity was stolen, the only place these losers could reach me was online. And even then they were never quite sure if they had the right gal or not. I was contacted a little while ago by a netizen who uses an arboreal name, has similar interests as me and happend to hang out on some board as I used to shun. Turns out the rabid pack had begun to torment her thinking she was me.

I've also discovered (only recently) that I have many many many more supporters out there in cyberspace than I do enemies. Amidst a feeding frenzy of stalkers and supporters that at times seemed rather stalkish themselves. My bad, it took a while for me to see, I had some really great friends out there. Maybe some did start out as enemies but I know they've had a change of heart. Others were always there for me, yet I shunned them because I was terrified. I couldn't discern the difference between friend and foe.

You see I have three main blogs, this one, Hazel and Lola. Some people loved one,hated the other, or some combo of each. Some of my supporters would attack one blog thinking that blogger was part of my stalking situation. Some of my stalkers or 'frenemy's' even went so far to set up fake blogs, myspace pages and more pretending to be me, just to throw a little more confusion into the soup. In an even stranger twist of fate some folks have mistaken one blog as being the cyber home of my extramarital lover. So you can imagine the chaos going on in my house. Now My husband COULD HAVE nipped that in the bud by explaining to his friends, cronies and family that all these blogs are MINE. No I'm not having an affair. I took MY vows seriously. I know I'm hated. I don't care about that. I know I am loved. And that's something I can sink my teeth into.

I finally had to come clean. We are She!

Now I have something else to say. I've been going through this blog and had a sharp realization. There HAS been someone working diligently behind the scenes to help free me from the hell I've been living in. And I bitch slapped him, HARD.

I recognized this truth by re reading my older entries here at Spider on the Moon. I know who my muse is, and it isn't a she, nor is 'she' a figment of my imagination.

Starman I am sorry. I had no idea. You've saved my life in so many ways I can't even list at the moment. But I will, one day I promise. Thank you.

I'm still not comfortable with all the cloak and dagger shit, but hey it worked didn't it?

And Music Man, I don't know what to say... you're freaky amazing. Wish I knew you in person.

These two have worked in tandem at great personal discomfort and I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but I know I NEEDED it.

So there. Some truth to muse on.

Now I'm off to play with myself :)
And I will enjoy it.
Cheers!